La La La La La ... But ....

So, today's post is a rant. Not a political rant. Not a rant about here, or a rant about there, nor a rant about anywhere (for you Dr. Suess fans out there). I promise, it won't be too big of a Debbie Downer, but still I need to rant.

Why is it that we, as women, find it necessary to tear each other down in order to feel better about ourselves? I, for the life of me, do not understand this cultural anomaly. We, as women, have a hard road to trod. One would think that we would be as supportive of each other as possible. But, sadly, that isn't so.

This past week I've had to "let go" of some comments that an extended family member directed toward me. Is this new behavior? No. Is it an unusual dynamic in our relationship? No. However, it still cuts like a knife, no matter how much I try to "let it go." Maybe it's because I'm an oldest child, but I really expect people to like me. I don't expect everyone to think I'm the "cat's meow." However, I have sufficient evidence to support that for the most part, I'm a very nice person, and people, in general think I'm a nice person. So, how come I get dumped on by someone who should be part of my support system?

Well ... I happen to know that the truth is ... [insert drum roll here] ... she is intimidated by me and the small amount of success that I've had in my life. The sad part is, I would be the first person jumping up and down cheerleading for her if she were to allow herself to have the same types of experiences.

Long ago I read the book by Stephen Covey entitled "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People." He talked about the Zero Sum game. "If you are winning then I am losing. If I am winning, then you must lose." HOW COME WE CAN'T ALL WIN? I'd like to know. As far as I'm concerned you are all winners. I don't always win, but I'm moving forward, none the same, and for me, that is winning. I would bet that you could say the same thing as well.

So ... girls (I still like to think of myself as a girl, even though I'm in my late 40's) ... let's be a little more supportive and help everyone around us to feel like winners. You know ... it doesn't really take a whole lot of effort, either to do that. A small compliment, a smile at the store to someone who looks like they are having a bad day, a "congratulations" when someone gets a promotion or a raise, or a job, or, or, or, etc.

In the meantime, I've created a Freebie Friday for you that is definitely "Tongue in Cheek." I saw this vintage painting of 1840's fashion and the sarcasm of the moment just sprung out of my brain and onto the page. You'll see what I mean when you click on it and read the commentary. I promise ... it will either get a chuckle out of you, or it may sting a little. Because, you see, many times we as women do our best "Catty" impersonations under the "guise" of being supportive or "helpful." Well sisters ... that doesn't cut it either. And, don't you find it always seems to be that this "helpfulness" is usually couched by starting out as a positive statement, followed by the word "BUT" and then the knife comes out!

Okay ... thank you for letting me get my rant out. I feel so much better and I hope you will too when you think about how much of a "winner" you are (and please, please, please, do not think about Charlie Sheen's rant about "winning" - I promise you shouldn't go there either!).

So, sweet amies ... here is your free printable. As always, feel free to click on the picture and save to your computer or print out. It might just help you accept my challenge to be more supportive of the women in your life this week. Let me know how you do, and I will too.

Bonsoir, and have a WONDERFUL weekend!!

Lorraine

What a Man!!

Today, I have to say thank you to my husband, for trying to help me dig out of the wreck of last week. I've almost thrown him back in a couple of times, but decided he was a keeper! And, I'm glad I did.

The sweetie brought me a big bouquet of flowers to put on the table where the tile disaster happened, to try and put a smile back on my face. He fixed the dishwasher, fixed the fridge, scraped off the tiles so that I could redo them, and this on only a couple of hours sleep. So, in homage to his kindness, I created a free printable for my Brag Monday entry. The print is from the Graphics Fairy (see her button to the left) and the quote from Barbra Streisand, of all people. I hope you enjoy and have a chuckle to start off your Monday!

As always, this is for personal use only. Feel free to click and then right click to save to your computer or print for non-commercial use.

Au revoir mes amies!!

Lorraine

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, Or Is It?

I hope you had a great day yesterday. I certainly did. I spent time with my daughter (who is recovering from an appendectomy) and helped her "Feng Shui" her living room (which I had been dying to do, but biting my tongue until she asked!). It was wonderful to feel needed by her and to help her out. She is my first child and never asks for my help (she feels like she should be able to do everything herself ... hmmm I wonder where she got that - says another first child?).

I also had a great visit with a newer friend of mine. I'm not going to name any names, because she may very well read this, and while I know she'll forgive the content, my lips are sealed as to her identity! :o)

Anyway, in the course of our conversation, we started talking about our looks, and I commented on how beautiful I thought she was. She wasn't having it. She started pointing out what was wrong with her face, why it wasn't beautiful (and I have to mention her subject matter was backed up by a National Geographic documentary on beauty - so she felt she had science on her side). It didn't matter what I said, she knew when she looked in the mirror that because her eyebrows weren't symetrical, she was majorly flawed, and she couldn't see beyond that. I felt like we were talking about two different people. I thought she had beautifully arched eyebrows, and I have always believed myself to be a pretty observant person, but I honestly could only tell that one eyebrow was a little more arched than the other. I thought it was charming. She wasn't having it.

Okay, this has just made me remember that when I try on glasses, the eye technician always tells me that I have one eyebrow higher than the other, and you can only really tell when I have my glasses on, because that's when you notice it. HA! I have science (aren't the eyeglass technicians scientifically trained, or am I stretching things here?) on my side. She never mentioned anything about my eyebrows, and so we are equally flawed, but she didn't even notice ... now why couldn't she accept that I couldn't notice hers?!

Okay, it sounds like I'm picking on her. And, I promise I'm not. But it really made me start to think about what I see in the mirror, versus what everyone else sees. How different are the images we see in the mirror from the visual images that everyone around us sees when they look at us?

I have to wonder if it's like when you listen to a tape of your voice, and you think "Yuck! Do I sound like that?"

I know that I have a great disconnect between how I perceive my looks and how the others around me perceive me. My husband is always telling me how beautiful I am. But, I have to admit that I assume that he is biased because he loves me. At the same time, I also have to admit to myself that my husband couldn't lie to save his soul. So, while I know this about him, why can I not believe that his visual perception of me is accurate based upon his ability to truly see me, not based upon his feelings alone?

I think that is something that probably most women (and I know that I'm assuming here) have a difficulty with. At least in America it seems to be a problem. We look in the mirror and we see our flaws. We see the lines that experience has given us, we see the imperfect bodies that children or gravity have given us. We see the experiences that life has brought to us, and we see them as negative instead of seeing the beauty that all of those things have wrought in our lives and that we now carry as badges of bravery and wisdom. Life's impressions on our bodies shouldn't be seen as anything less than beautiful, because they have made us into the people we are today. And I don't believe that science can accurately measure that type of beauty.

So, in keeping with this theme. My Freebie Friday printable has a fabulous quote on it that I hope will inspire you to be a little kinder to yourself when you look in the mirror. It is by Anais Nin, who was a wonderful french writer who mostly wrote memoirs before it was even really a genre, or popular genre, of writing. Of course I had to throw a little french in here, bien sur!!

If you cannot find the beauty that life has given you on the outside, then maybe you need to dust some of the cobwebs out inside of you and start to see (with gratitude) all of the good that has come from the experiences that have marked your body. I promise it will help. I feel better about myself just writing this post! So, that is my challenge to you. Look at yourself in the mirror, and be kind! When you see a flaw, think of the good that brought that flaw into your life. Even if you have to work hard to do so, it is worth the effort. A feeling of gratitude and love will always create peace in our lives. And, the peace we feel radiates from inside ourselves and sheds itself to others around us. That is true inner beauty, that cannot be measured by science and cannot be contained within us. It radiates from inside ourselves and shines so brightly that we truly radiate a kind of beauty that is visual to the eyes of all who behold it.

Bonsoir mes amies. Have a wonderful weekend, and be kind to yourselves!

Bisou Bisou! (Kiss Kiss)

**As always, you are welcome click on the above picture to get the original size (8 1/2 by 11), then rick click and save to download and copy this to your computer or print out for personal use. You are not allowed to mass produce or use for any commercial gain. You are always welcome to direct people to my blog to get their own free copy.

Freebie Friday

As an aid to assist us in our search for beauty, I've decided to offer a free printable every Friday a la "Freebie Friday." Just click on the pic above and then you can right click to save to your computer in its original size.

You are welcome to print it out to inspire you, use as a desktop wallpaper, or even in a craft project. I only ask that you do not mass produce or use for profit in any manner. You are, of course, welcome to direct anyone to my website to download their own copy. I have a plethora of inspirational quotes on beauty, fashion, etc. that I can't wait to share with you.

How has your journey been going? I have had a wonderful time really paying attention to how others feel and react when I compliment them as well as how I feel when doing so. It is amazing how many women cannot own their own personal beauty. I noticed many who thanked me when I complimented them, but I could tell that they didn't internalize that I truly found beauty in them. They thought I was being "nice," or conversationally positive. It made me realize how often I feel uncomfortable when others compliment me. I probably show the same signs that I saw in the women that reacted in that way.

On the other hand, it was a joy to see some of my friends, acquaintances, and strangers who lit up even more. Their eyes sparkled, and seeing their joy, made me feel even like their sparkle was rubbing off on me.

How was your experience with complimenting others? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

In the meantime ... I have an exciting surprise for you in the next couple of days. So, keep posted and be sure to follow me so that you can be the first to hear about it!!

Bon Jour Mes Amies ... have a beautiful weekend and check back in for my big reveal!!

Welcome Mes Amies to my Oo La La Blog.

"Life is a garden. It is an opportunity. You can grow weeds, you can grow roses; it all depends on you."

I'm so excited to start this wonderful journey with you. I have decided to try to finally conquer the image or beauty insecurities that seem to plague many women in our society, and along the way, hopefully help other women come to terms with their own beauty. To start off, I wanted to share the above quote and gorgeous picture with you. I thought the butterfly appropos because they are such delicate objects of beauty - dancing their way through life, but they have to go through so much in order to get to that state. And frankly, let's face it, they start out as caterpillars, while inifinitely exciting for little boys to squish in their pockets, not terribly inspirational for the eyes.

In my lifetime, I have mostly felt like a caterpillar. I believe I know some of the reasons why, but I definitely know that I want to search out more and get rid of those weedy thoughts. I want my thoughts to be filled with roses, to refer back to the above quote. Why, now, when I'm in my late 40's would I grow (and no, that's not a typo) through this? Well, probably because I am a stage 3 breast cancer survivor and from 2007 through 2010 I spent most of my time just trying to physically survive. The past couple of years I have been bordering on the brink between the fear of living, the fear of dying, and the ultimate determination to live each day that I have to the best of my ability ... filled with happiness and hope. Also, I know that I'm alive still for a purpose. I want that purpose to be the means to inspire every woman that I come into contact with, to feel good about herself - to feel beautiful - to feel unique and essential in her own sphere of existence.

And while I'm writing that, I'm realizing ... why is it that we as women have such a difficult time seeing the best in other women? We do not, as a whole, often compliment someone verbally, but we can spend an inordinate amount of time mentally picking apart their faults? What is so wrong with acknowledging another's beauty? It doesn't diminish our own. In fact, perhaps if we can see and acknowledge the beauty in other women, maybe it would be easier for us to feel confident enough to acknowledge our own.

Okay, so that will be my first experiment and challenge to you. I'm going to keep a small journal in my purse and when I see another woman and have the opportunity to compliment her, on whatever I possibly can, I'm going to write down my thoughts and feelings about the interaction. What is the other woman's reaction? How does it make me feel about myself and my own self-esteem? Does it add or subtract. I'll let you know how it works out. And, I'd love to hear your comments as well. What happens when you do the same?

To close my first "epic" post, I'd like to leave the following quote and beautiful picture for you (and I) to ponder:

"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." - Sophia Loren